


Cure for the Itch

by Pumpkinnubbin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26865142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pumpkinnubbin/pseuds/Pumpkinnubbin
Summary: The world burns and all she can think about are blue eyes.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 14
Kudos: 119





	Cure for the Itch

**Author's Note:**

> A mood piece I started several months ago and finally got around to finishing. No smut. 
> 
> Title taken from the song of the same name by Linkin Park

There’s an itch beneath her skin once the chaos of New York settles around her. After her encounter with the Hulk, fighting her best friend, aliens and _Loki_ ; Natasha wants. She watches dark hair and blue eyes on the carrier and she _wants_. She wants a distraction, wants to forget. She wants to forget Loki and the Hulk and all the words that were spoken and the things that happened. Natasha isn’t a soldier. She doesn’t fight wars. She starts them. Except things are different now. 

They’re not friends, Maria and her, but still she wonders what kind of solace she might find with her; what kind of peace she could find in her bed. But Natasha just watches her and never says a word. 

* * *

After Fury almost dies and Maria rescues them from the hands of HYDRA, Natasha wants to fight her. She’s angry and tired and _hurt_ , in more ways than one. She wants to let it all out on Maria who has been in on Fury’s whole spiel this entire time. She wants to punch her, sink her teeth into her skin. Natasha does nothing. She sits as they go over their plan and then put it in motion, and then she disappears to find herself. 

* * *

Maria lives with them in the mansion now. Natasha can’t remember ever seeing her not work though so she lets herself into Maria’s room. The whole Ultron fiasco has left her drained and tired and once again wanting. She’s not sure for what though. Whatever she thought she could have with Bruce ended in nothing but hurt and she still feels off from Wanda getting into her head. She falls into Maria’s bed ungracefully, face first. She doesn’t know why she’s here but the sheets smell like her (or is it Maria that smells like her sheets?) and Natasha feels better. She’s spread out on the bed despite her small frame and falls asleep without meaning to. 

When Maria enters her room an hour later, she finds Natasha still fast asleep in her bed. She stops dead in her tracks, confused and surprised. She certainly hasn’t expected this sight to greet her. They’re still not very close so she’s unsure as to why Natasha would be here to begin with. She watches her for a few moments and then goes to change. Whatever reason Natasha has for crashing here, Maria figures she deserves the rest. She knows what happened and how it affected the team and Natasha may be excellent at hiding it now, but she took several hard hits again. So Maria lets her sleep. 

Natasha wakes abruptly another half hour later and sits up. Her eyes find Maria immediately. Maria looks back at her and Natasha isn’t sure what to say. She shouldn’t have come here. She definitely shouldn’t have fallen asleep here. 

“Comfy?” Maria asks, amused. 

“How long have you been back?”

“About half an hour.”

Natasha runs her fingers through her hair to give herself something to do. She isn’t embarassed but it’s damn close. Looking back at those startingly blue eyes, Natasha feels the itch return to her skin. She feels it every time something goes horribly wrong and over the years she’s started feeling it stronger whenever she looks at Maria. 

Natasha decides that she can handle aliens and she can handle HYDRA and the world going to shit. She also decides that she’s tired and doesn’t want to have to handle things like Ultron and magic and pretend everything is fine now. It’s not. She doesn’t feel fine at all. 

“I’m tired,” she says. 

Maria watches her and eventually gets up to sit down on the edge of the bed. Natasha doesn’t move but her fingers flex in her lap. She _wants_. 

“Why are you here, Natasha?”

“I don’t know.”

Natasha takes her in and keeps her hands firmly in her own lap. Maria looks tired too. That’s fair. After all, she’s been up for a long time dealing with the fallout of Ultron, and everything else before that. Maria is the one to clean up after them; always. That’s why she always works so much. Even when SHIELD still existed. Maria took a few hits this time as well, just like back in New York when Loki invaded with his army of chitauri. 

“Are you okay?”

Maria looks at her and then shrugs. Nobody really asks her these questions anymore. It’s the Avengers who are at the forefront of the battles, not her. She gets away with scrapes and bruises and a bad headache. She’s not the one who gets her mind messed with. 

“I’m fine. You’re not.”

Natasha wants to argue but there’s no point. Maria is observant; she’s good at this. And Natasha has had a hard time really hiding it since everything’s started calming down. Not to mention the fact that if she were fine, she wouldn’t be here. 

“No. But I will be.”

Maria observes her again and then sighs. The thing most agents seem to forget sometimes - especially Natasha who sometimes still doesn’t know any better - is that it’s okay to not be fine all the time. She’s seen plenty of agents under her command push themselves too hard too soon. Natasha can take a lot but she’s still only human and she’s barely had a quiet day since joining the Avengers. 

“You always push yourself too hard, Natasha. It’s fine to take your time to recover. Nobody expects you to just walk it off like nothing happened.”

“It doesn’t matter. The team needs me. I can wait.”

“You shouldn’t have to. You’ve given everything to SHIELD and now the Avengers. They’ll survive without you for a few days.”

Natasha shakes her head and then she’s not sure why but she moves closer to Maria and kisses her. She doesn’t think too hard on the fact that Maria kisses her back almost immediately or that her fingers brush against her cheek. Natasha winds her own into Maria’s hair and presses herself closer. The itch beneath her skin is spreading throughout her body now and she no longer wants to pretend that she doesn’t understand why she’s here. It’s Maria. It’s been Maria for years now. 

Maria pulls her into her lap and moves her free hand to her waist just as Natasha deepens the kiss. Here Maria pulls back to look at her but she doesn’t ask despite what Natasha expects. She finds whatever it is she’s looking for and kisses Natasha again. Maria doesn’t kiss like Natasha’s expected. Her kiss is soft but firm and she feels no expectations for more. Maria kisses like she’s willing to give Natasha whatever she wants. Natasha isn’t sure what that is exactly but she itches for _something_. She pushes against Maria but Maria steadies herself and then flips them with an ease that makes Natasha want to laugh. She looks at her instead, her breathing heavy as Maria leans over her. Maria pins her to the mattress, the grip on her wrist open so that her fingers rest in Natasha’s palm. She’s not pushing. Natasha can change this whenever she wants to and she knows it. Maria leans down further to kiss her again, just a brush of her lips against Natasha’s. It makes Natasha ache. She _wants_.

Natasha closes her eyes for a moment. She wants and she needs and she really shouldn’t. But Maria is grounding her in a way she can’t find anywhere else. She can feel Maria’s pulse in her fingertips from where she’s touching her, calm and steady, if a little elevated. Maria is always so calm. She expects Maria to do something, anything, but nothing follows so she opens her eyes again to find Maria watching her. Her eyes are dark and Natasha knows her own must be as well. She wants her. That’s what it’s always been in the end. She thinks Maria would let her have this if she asked, if she tried. 

Natasha’s laugh takes both of them by surprise. Maria blinks, startled, and Natasha tries desperately not to fall apart and cry. She laughs because she finally understands. 

“I get it now,” she mumbles when her laughter dies down a little and her eyes are wet. 

“What?”

“Why it’s always been you.”

Maria frowns but doesn’t move, searching her eyes once more for answers she can’t hope to find. Natasha smiles. She blinks away her unshed tears and reaches up with her free hand to touch a strand of Maria’s hair. 

She does get it now. Amongst the chaos, Maria is a rock. She is steadfast and refuses to budge. She never panics. Maria is always calm and grounding, and Natasha finds herself drawn to that. When everything else goes to shit, she can count on Maria being there. Being in her presence is calming and it lets Natasha breathe. 

“Natasha…”

“Thank you,” Natasha says softly. 

She flexes her fingers and drops her hand. A small breath of air escapes her and Maria sits back, releasing her. Natasha doesn’t move. She can still feel Maria’s fingers against her skin. She still wants but Maria deserves better than to be used like that. She knows she’d get away with it but it’s not worth it. Not now that she’s finally had her epiphany. 

She sits up eventually and reaches out to grasp Maria’s wrist loosely. Maria is confused but still she doesn’t push and Natasha loves her for it. She leans closer and kisses her again. It’s featherlight, like Maria’s last one. One brush of lips against hers, then another, always soft and barely touching but real enough. She likes this, she decides. Soft kisses that do absolutely nothing to help the itch beneath her skin. They leave her tingling. 

She pulls away a few moments later and looks at Maria, trying to discern what she’s thinking. Maria is a little dazed and it makes her smile. Maria returns it. When she lifts her fingers to Natasha’s hair, Natasha lets her. They should probably talk about this. Natasha should probably explain, one way or another. But then Maria kisses her again oh so softly and Natasha decides it can wait. 


End file.
